Pink Visual to Construct 'Coolest Underground Bunker Known'
Pink Visual, Valley Porn Studio, to Construct 'Coolest Underground Bunker Known to Man' for 2012 Apocalypse
Updated after the jump with a detailed layout of the bunker's different rooms, including "co-ed glass shower inclosure decontamination units." Aww yeah.
The May 21 "Rapture" passed without incident -- mostly just an excuse to party and make fun of religious extremists. And the December 21, 2012 apocalypse, the second leg of Harold Camping's predictions, is promising much of the same.
One L.A. porn studio in particular, Pink Visual in Van Nuys, is taking a giant leap of faith -- or, more likely, a giant leap of PR genius -- in hopes of "riding out the 2012 apocalypse in style."
Spokesman Quentin Boyer tells the Weekly that 1,200 to 1,500 very important persons will be allowed into an "enormous underground bunker" beneath the studio on the night in question. It will include, according to the company's zany presser, "multiple fully-stocked bars, an enormous performing stage and sophisticated content production studio."
But from there, says Boyer, anything goes.
"If nothing else, it'll be a fantastic one-night party, after which well emerge from underground, red-faced, to go home, and the company will be left behind with the coolest bunker known to man."
Can guests have crazed, last-man-and-woman-on-Earth sex, right out in the open?, we ask. (You're welcome.) "Inevitably, I suppose, that will happen," he answers. "It's hard to say how people would respond to an actual apocalypse. [But] we're not ones to tell people not to have sex."
Boyer adds that Pink Visual is still debating how to select the chosen few invitees. "It's probably going to be a combo of merit-based -- what sort of skill set can you bring down with you? -- and a lottery that favors our fans and members," he says. Probably also biased toward applicants sans HIV.
But we can assure you: Jesus does not necessarily have to be your savior. In fact, a Baby Jesus butt plug might position you best for survival, in the freaky confines of this alterna-Doomsday.
In addition to commonfolk, Pink Visual is working on recruiting professional talent. "We've talked to a couple people," says Boyer. "They responded with, 'Really?' We have some convincing to do."
Camping is no doubt rolling over in his hospital cot right now. The sacrilege! Out here in Porn Capital USA, though, we're loving this new approach to adult-video PR; we were admittedly getting a little tired of the constant celebrity offers by Vivid. (And Pink Visual has been guilty of the same. Ahem, "Conan the Boobarian"?)
Updates to come as we get more details about the architecture of the bunker party. "We're still working on oxygen, that kind of thing," says Boyer. Details, details!
Update: CBS LA reports that construction has begun. Without further ado, here's the bunker's floor plan so far (click to enlarge):
Pink Visual has some more flowery press-releasage on its own site, e.g.: "Our goal is nothing less than to survive the apocalypse to come in comfort and luxury, whether that catastrophe takes the form of fireballs flung Earthward by an all-seeing deity, extended torrential rainfall, Biblical rapture, an earthquake-driven mega-tsunami, radioactive flesh-eating zombies, or some combination of the above."
And yada yada. Given last night's creepy falling fireball thing, though, those Village People construction-worker strippers (at least, that's how we prefer to imagine them) might want to start digging faster.